There You'll Be
by DemonsAndDolls
Summary: One-shot. Dean suffers from regret when the war is over. Cas left, to help restore Heaven, and he did nothing to stop him. Can he truly cope without his angel? Dean/Cas with the help of Faith Hill's song 'There You'll Be'. Please R&R. Would really like some feedback on this. X


**All right, Dolls, don't kill me for this. I was listening to Faith Hill tonight (guilty pleasure) and this song was just played on repeat over and over again. It made me think of Dean and Cas. This damn one-shot wouldn't get out of my head. I'm a liar because I swore I would never write a depressing story. But bare with me….and don't hurt me. **

**Also, I haven't forgotten my other story. Hopefully it will be updated in the next few days. Love ya, dolls.**

Chapter 1

Dean watched as the fires melted away, as the demons were dragged down and as the sounds of their screams vanished for one last time. All that was left was a horde of unconscious victims, finally free of their demonic possession. Two men stood together among them. Both had their backs to the Winchesters and were talking in hushed voices.

"Should we say anything?" Sam whispered, feeling unsure of what to do with himself. But Dean merely shook his head, no, in response. He was too busy fighting the urge to crumble. To fall apart. Because he knew what this moment meant.

The battle was over. They'd won the war, with little to no casualties! Hell was closed and the demons of the Earth were sent back down into the pit, never to return. But that also meant something else. Angels were no longer needed here either. Cas was going to leave…and Dean couldn't deal with that.

He turned and walked away as the two men approached. Castiel gave him a curious look. But there were more pressing matters to attend to and, for once, Dean would have to wait.

"You did well, Sam Winchester." The older man walking with Castiel spoke.

"Th-th-thank you…you, uh, did a great job too." Sam stuttered in reply and felt almost giddy when the man shook his hand. As soon as their flesh touched, Sam felt an overwhelming calm wash over him, cleansing him…healing him.

"A token of our gratitude." The man smiled and then stepped past the younger Winchester to speak with his brother. "Dean!"

Dean stopped and rubbed a hand over his face, feeling the dirt and blood smudge deeper into his skin. He sighed and turned to face the man…no, to face God.

"Whatever you're selling, I ain't buying!" He snapped and then continued to walk away. He stopped mid stride when Cas appeared in front of him.

"Dean," he snapped with caution, "My father would like to speak to you."

"What happens now?" Dean hissed before he could stop himself.

"I don't under-"

"Are you leaving us?!" He asked, stepping into the angel's personal space. A custom they were no longer on '_awkward'_ terms with.

"Yes." He replied, not able to meet Dean's gaze.

"Then we have nothing more to say to each other." Dean sighed and moved around him.

"Dean!" Cas called after him.

"He doesn't do goodbyes well…you know that, Cas." Sam patted him on the shoulder before heading after his brother. Castiel was left to watch him go. Finding it hard to believe that this was the last time he would ever see the Winchesters. The last time he would ever see Dean.

**?/?/?/?/?/? **

_**When I think back  
On these times  
And the dreams  
We left behind  
I'll be glad 'cause  
I was blessed to get  
To have you in my life**_

"_This is a den of iniquity, I should not be here!"_

Dean smiled at that particular memory. Cas had always held onto his virtues…even when he rebelled. It was what made him so loveable.

He sighed and placed the unopened bottle of whiskey in the passenger seat of the impala, before climbing in a starting the engine. It had been easier last time, with Lisa, to make some sort of place for himself in society. She had been there to help him through it. But this time around was different. It felt like a part of him had died in that battle and it was a part of him that would never come back to life.

Sam had made things work for himself. He had found an apartment, started a home study course in law and was falling back into 'normal' life quite easily. But Dean stuck to his old ways. Driving down lost highways and hustling his way through life. He visited the graves of people he couldn't and hadn't saved. He went to see Bobby's grave and drank a full bottle of scotch to his memory. It wasn't a life…it was a way to pass the time until Death came a knockin'.

_**When I look back  
On these days  
I'll look and see your face  
You were right there for me**_

"_What's the matter? You don't think you deserve to be saved."_

No he didn't! Dean knew more than anything that there was a cage in hell being specially built for him. For how he had felt and the things he had thought about doing! He tried to resist the urge to drive the car at full speed into the nearest wall. It wouldn't be that easy. Nothing in his life, or death, was that easy. Worst case scenario, he would just end up paralysed or brought back to life and continue to suffer...like he always did.

So he kept driving. He had a destination to reach…even if, at the time, he wasn't even sure where it was.

"_I learned my lesson while I was away, Dean. I serve Heaven, I don't serve man. And I certainly don't serve you!"_

He tried so hard to shut out the memories. It had almost been the thing that killed him in the beginning. He hated the fact, that after everything they had been through together, Cas chose Heaven over him. _And why wouldn't he? What do you have to offer that is greater than Heaven?_ A cruel voice, in the back of his mind, taunted. _Me! _Was his only response before he pushed all thoughts to the back of his mind and continued to focus on the road.

He fought sleep as best he could because, whenever he had his four hours, all he ever saw was Cas. Standing in front of him, smiling slightly and looking at him in the way that Dean had always wanted him to.

"_Cas, don't do this! We're family."_

Something he meant more than anything he had ever said to the angel. But sometimes sleep won out. He was only human after all.

_**In my dreams  
I'll always see you soar  
Above the sky  
In my heart  
There will always be a place  
For you for all my life  
I'll keep a part  
Of you with me  
And everywhere I am  
There you'll be  
And everywhere I am  
There you'll be**_

_He lay on one of the usual shitty motel room beds and sighed deeply at the sight beside him. Castiel! He was right there next to him, close enough to reach out and touch. But Dean couldn't bring himself to do it. Like in his reality, he could never tell Cas how he felt about him. Cas was an angel for fuck sake! Dean knew it was wrong! But he couldn't control his thoughts anymore than he could control his intake of breath. _

"_Dean?" Cas rolled over and opened his eyes, staring at him with his usual curiosity. "Why are we hear?" Dean couldn't answer. He never did open his mouth to speak. _

"_Castiel!" The two of them looked up to see the old man. The same old man who had taken Cas away in the first place. "It's time to leave." And, as always, Cas obediently stood and left with a slight flutter of wings. Leaving Dean alone to wallow in despair. _

_**Well you showed me  
How it feels  
To feel the sky  
Within my reach  
And I always  
Will remember all  
The strength you  
Gave to me  
Your love made me  
Make it through  
Oh, I owe so much to you  
You were right there for me**_

_"And at best, I die trying to fix my own stupid mistake. Or... I don't die – I'm brought back again. I see now. It's a punishment resurrection. It's worse every time."_

Dean could relate to that. Every time he had been _'gripped tight and raised from perdition'_, it felt like a personal piece of hell had been brought with him. Every time he came back, he felt more broken.

"I miss you." He whispered and raised the bottle to the grave in front of him. It wasn't much of a grave. But the 'Dr Badass' sign, carved with a knife into the stone, did Ash justice. His words were not for Ash…but there was no one around to know otherwise.

**?/?/?/?/?/?/?**

_"I failed at being an Angel."_

"Then why go back!" Dean screamed at nothing in particular. He was very drunk now. Stumbling along the path next to the car, he let himself fall to the ground and just willed Death to come. He prayed for Death. He begged for Death. He may have even threatened Death. But Death never came.

"It's not your time." Came that all too familiar voice. Dean sighed and then decided to pray for his brain to shut down, to not think at all. "I don't believe it is possible to wish for brain to shut down…it defeats the purpose while you wish for it." Dean opened his eyes and saw the pair of black shoes in front of him. He rolled slowly onto his back, letting his eyes travel up to the tanned trench coat, the backwards tie and then, finally, to the piercing blue eyes that had been haunting him for almost a year.

"Cas?!"

**?/?/?/?/?/?**

_**'Cause I always saw in you  
My light, my strength  
And I want to thank you  
Now for all the ways  
You were right there for me  
You were right there for me  
For always**_

Dean woke in the middle of the night, in the throws of crossing from drunk to hungover. He groaned and rolled off the bed, making his way to the bathroom. It took four splashes of water to the face to realise he was not alone in this room. How the hell had he even gotten to this room? He stood quickly, almost bumping into the man behind him.

"Cas?" He gasped with disbelief and turned quickly, as if believing the mirror was giving a cruel visual of what his mind wanted so badly. But Castiel was right there, in person.

"Hello, Dean." He said simply and then turned around to walk towards the bed. He lifted a bottle of water and some painkillers from the duffle bag, passing them to Dean and not making eye contact while he did so.

"Cas, it's good to see you." He tried to play it down, like he always did. It worked because Cas didn't look convinced.

"I am sorry for showing up. But I worried that you might…do something reckless." he explained.

"Why would you be sorry?" Dean asked and quickly took two of the tablets.

"Well…we didn't part on good terms." Dean remembered that all too well. He wanted to kick himself for what he had done. In fact, he had been beating himself up about it since Cas had vanished. "Now that you're safe…I'll just…" Dean grabbed hold of the trench coat before he could stop himself. Cas looked wide eyed down at his hand and then back up to his face. Properly looking at Dean for the first time since he had woken up.

"Don't you dare!" Dean snarled and dragged him forward. Ask him later and he would say it was the alcohol that had given him the confidence to finally kiss his best friend. To do the thing he had wanted to do for so long.

Cas stood rigid against him for quite some time. Dean finally had to release him for the damn urge to breathe. When he did, his actions sank in and he began to panic.

"Shit! Cas, I'm sorry…I don't know-" He stopped when a single finger was placed against his lips.

"Stop, Dean." He insisted and gently placed his lips to the ex hunter's. It was a slow, sweet kiss that barely lasted more than a minute. But it was enough for Dean to know that he wasn't the only one experiencing 'feelings' .

"What about heaven?" He asked, as he pulled his lips away. "What's gonna happen now?" Cas smiled and placed a hand on his cheek.

"God told me to pray for the ideal Heaven. It was my gift for helping in the war. He told me to pray for _my _Heaven and I knew when I opened my eyes…There you'd be."

_**In my dreams**_  
_**I'll always see you soar**_  
_**Above the sky**_  
_** In my heart**_  
_**There will always be a place**_  
_**For you for all my life**_  
_**I'll keep a part**_  
_**Of you with me**_  
_**And everywhere I am**_  
_**There you'll be**_  
_**And everywhere I am**_  
_**There you'll be**_  
_**There you'll be**_

**Ok, so that's it. My first story without smut. Not exactly the best thing I've ever written. But I think Dean should get his happy ending when the final battle happens. Please let me know what you thought of this. Love ya, dolls.**


End file.
